You gotta hand it to Obama. He blew it and he knew it. He admitted it straightaway and apologized deeply and profoundly and (at least for my money) very successfully. (If you want to read all about it, here’s an excellent write-up complete with quotes, links and such.)
And the world asks: “Aw, whatsamatter, honey, cantcha take a little over-familiarity?”
Well, no, thank you very little. We can’t take a little over-familiarity — OR joke about our rights and about sexism, for that matter.
For starters, just try to imagine Obama calling a male reporter of any age “Sweetie.” That should give you your first clue: it’s sexist, dammit!
Second, try to imagine Obama or anyone calling the Queen of England “Sweetie.” That’s your second clue: it’s at heart disrespectful when addressing someone of equal or higher stature than yourself.
And that’s because it’s a term of endearment, which is only appropriate to use with true intimates or with children. All other uses constitute a breach of boundaries, or over familiarity. All other uses means one is taking liberties with the addressee. Don’t do it.
For example, even though my foreign language skills are rusty (er, non-existent is more like it), I know you don’t use the word du in German, which is the very, very familiar form of “you” or its French equivalent, tu, unless you’re speaking to a family member, a sweetheart, or a child. speaking to a very close friend in French, vouz is the correct form of the 2nd class synonym.
Same principle with “sweetie” and other terms of endearment: if it’s not a child you’re speaking to, not a family member, and not your sweetheart, then you have no business using the term “sweetie” to address someone you don’t know that well. If you do it anyway, you run the risk of offending. Some people insist on doing it anyway: a good many of them are throwing their weight around. But some are genuinely gregarious and loving people who like to make people feel they have a strong sense of affection toward them. Right.
Men have for eons felt it their right to use whatever terms they wanted to address people, especially women. Calling a woman a term like “sweetie” without her permission if she isn’t family or a romantic partner is a way for the man to exercise his (usually white) male privilege over her, a way to put her down since she hasn’t given permission, and remind her that her preferences on the matter don’t really count, don’t matter.
But they DO matter. And Obama knows it clearly enough to have cut himself loose from that mistake with all due haste, as well he should have.
